_vlindertje__

Tuesday 11th September

VEGAS DRAGONS have reached the full 50K!!! Wonderful news and well done!! I wish them the best of luck recording their new cd and for their future carreer!

Wed 15th August
Failed my exam, because they think I'm a difficult person. I went to study in Belgium, you see, and the Dutch only put their kids in a Belgian school for the discipline. With other words, I am a troubeled kid and and need to be handeled strickt.. Plus I personaly think that my past isn't the most brilliant one for a school to deal with or something :os Anyway, doesn't matter. I worked all days on a website, for my brother, and we're also going to stick a thousand posters and stickers on the walls and lampposts and so on in all of the Netherlands and Flanders (Belgium)! I made everything ready, have been sending loads of messages off and replying to them, just to recruit people to help us! The posters should be ready next week, stickers a bit later, everything will be ok and then I'll finally have some time left again for Sellaband!

Monday 6th August

Hello again :o) I got a very brilliant night today, I went to see the Jovinx again, and my favourite guitarist gave me his guitar on the end of the show, loads of kisses and his name on the guitar! I'm so very very very happy!!!!!!!!! My favourite guitarist, playing in the village which shares borders with my homevillage!! Couldn't be more happier! I haven't told the boyfriend yet. I think I'll bring my guitar over to Jamie, with Cohen's guitar, then he'll see! :oD WOW, Cohen's brilliant, I knew that, but I didn't expect this... I know about the guitars, they give guitars away, to people who are special to them, or the band, or judt someone who they like that night or something. Cohen is the best Dutch guitarist I know, and I'm so very very very very very happy!!!!!! Spent the rest of the evening with my Friend and her boyfriend and Cohen. We had a laugh, a drink, silly dances and took pictures together :oP Wow, I was always looking up to him, greatness is he! And so he's the very bestest, but I've knows all along! :oD Ow, I'm going nuts... Time to play the sixx string again! :o) Mine, not his this time... We both have a Fender. I got a Strat, he's got a Tele. Mine has a black body, and a white slam-plate (don't know the right name, sorry..) he's got a sunburst body with a white slam-plate-thingy. The guitar he played and then gave me, is a 'fake-fender' as I call it, also black and white! So I got nearly the same guitars!! :oD Right, getting off now, got work to do, even though it's 1 in the morning!!

Sunday 5th August
Anyone who actually reads this, I'm back! Back online, back on sellaband! Have a lot catching up to do, but I'll do my best ;o) Been to the Zwarte Cross, a 3-days festival 200 km from me, wich consists of music, cross, kiddiecorner and art. I really liked the music and art, but because of the rain there was hardly any cross.. Pity, the specials are always nice. I went with my little friend, and we saw some friends riding a cross-class, we saw about 5 classes I think.. But.. We saw Action in DC, and Status Quo, and Within Temptation and some other great bands, really wonderful!! Missed Jamie though.. he's not into Jovink, nor Zwarte Cross, nor anything fun it seems.. But then again, I understand, because I don't like things that I don't understand. He doesn't understand what the Jovinx sing about, even if you know what the words mean, you still have to find the meaning of it, which is ofcourse difficult for a foreigner. But to me, it's brilliant, and I got some Queen-records, picturediscs, all rare, and the programbook of 1992, so I'm very very pleased! Once it's on the wall I can take a picture I suppose.. :o) Also some aliens visited my garden and left a venus-mark. Anyone who might not believe in aliens, and I don't know if I believe, it IS very, very strange...

Lots of love to the you - you are wonderful! Tomorrow out and about with the band again.. and thursday my last round for school.. And then... nothing! Just band, band, band! Finally!!

Monday/tuesday/wednesday 23/24/25 July
Monday: no work again....
Tuesday: got my MOT, just have to change tyres. Nothing I didn't know. Nightshift and making Jamie go nuts (I think he's happy I went home, he couldn't stand me any longer I guess) :o)
Night: Got to work with my "spouse-to-be", I name him Nathalie; his own mistake. We had a good time together!
Wednesday: haven't had any sleep yet from my nightshift, I'm working for school until I drop, because it's half past 7 now (evening ofcourse) and still not ready. Still have to make photo's, and it has to be in for tomorrow 12 o'clock.. It's getting hot around here..!!

And... When I went home from work this morning, I realised something: I've been a Vegas Dragons Believer for exactly a month now. I don't regret any second!!

Saturday/sunday 21 & 22 July
Nothing interesting has been happening, just working for school and very tired. Work doesn't want to give me more nightshifts, and so I'm just awake, and very sleepy right now, but I'm not allowed to sleep during the day (my own rule). Just working for school all weekend, and in a bit I'll go to work again. (a student has a great life..)

Friday 20 July: 2007-2007
Fell asleep roundabout 4 this morning. Usual for me here. It's strange, when I'm with someone, whoever, I'll sleep on command. Got the Zwarte Cross next weekend, really looking forward to it! And on the 6th of August I'll have my little friend staying over a few nights, at my parents' house. See if I can sleep then.. Starting my drawings again, been working all day for school as well. Got a lovely surprise this morning again :o) Well, morning.. Half past 11! I'm not usually that late, mostly 8 or 9, unless I've been working But then again, didn't sleep, did I? And so today was a lazy day, hard working for school, but physically very very lazy! I also need to show my drawings for my school, but I haven't got many pictures anymore. They all got lost and must be somewhere in the basement or something.. It's so stupid of mine, I should have been more careful when I moved. I guess it's just time to search :o)

Thursday 19 July: Promote the Dragons!
The early hours of the day. Should I enjoy it? I should really. And I do. I got the Vegas Dragons cd's yesterday, and I can't stop playing them... I'm at my parents' house, which means I cannot sleep. It's typical, but since Timothy left, I'm not sleeping in that house again. I have been able to sleep since I did nightshifts, but I left for a few days, and I can't sleep - again! Grrrmmbl :os Anyway, not something to make a big thing of, it's just that I have to get some sleep, because I'm going back to Genk (Belgium) tomorrow. I studied in that city. Spent four years there, really enjoyed myself :o) It will be quite a drive, and I know I'll pass the place where Timothy had the accident back in November. Sometimes I know it would have been better if he died back then. When he was still him. But I suppose it's cruel to say that. I'll pass that spot, and just continue along to Genk, and there I'll meet a friend from school and hopefully visit someone I tried to reach for Vegas Dragons. It would be great if he could only hear them, he'd probably buy all the parts straight away! I don't get my all hopes up, because I know I'll have to look good, and that's a bit of a problem when I'm not sleeping. Let's just say it's not convenient if you're trying to promote a band.. I wish I could promote my own band, but it's just a bit difficult because not everyone likes that kind of music. I don't even know how you name the music's genre. We've had contacts with record companies, with commercials and filmmakers. We played on a Belgian Radiostation, we have had a review in an American newspaper, we played on festivals in the Netherlands, and Jamie playd solo (as The Colour of Time) on a festival in the Czech Republic. We have been reviewed many times in a Dutch Progressive Rockmagazine (IO Pages) and we have been asked for a review and an interview for a Finnish rock magazine.. But yet there's no-one around the Netherlands who really like us. I love it that there's a believer! :oD I do!! But it's a bit sad and silly that I can go outside to promote some band, but not my own.. But I don't mind for now, I enjoy working for Vegas Dragons and trying to help them as much as possible!! So I will do my best later on this day!!! I just won't count any chickens before they hatch ;o) Few hours until my appointment.. I'm waiting! :o)
I saw some friends in Genk, but the person I was hoping to see... he wasn't in unfortunately :o( Better luck next time!

Tuesday 17 July & Wednesday 18 July
No work.. Got too much time on my hands now, and wished I could help my friend; take over some of his work so that he might have a descent sleep. But there's no way I can ofcourse. It's all personal work, which I can't do. I wanted to work for school today, it didn't really work out. Too much thoughts rush through my head. I wanted to go to Ermelo today, the place that changed my life. The place I was when my brother died. Swimming in the sea/lake during the night, looking at the little lights across, reflecting in the water. I want to show this to the people I love. It's so beautiful at night.. And swimming is so brilliant :o) Problem is, I can't. I wanted to go there today, and I think I might do it one day. Question is, what's there to gain? To go there by myself would show me that there's no stage, no friends with their campers, no friend who's with me and stays with me during the night. I'll go to sleep there alone, I'll wake up alone. When I look next to me, my bed, in my car, is empty. When I'll go home afterwards, I'll still see the flowers for him laying at the cross near my house. Flowers from both funerals. If I would go back, back to Ermelo, and then back to my house, it would just make me furious! It would make me want to go over to see the man who did this to him. I never hurt anyone. I know I could, but I'd rather not. I know what I'm capable of, but also know that I won't. I think it's best for me, for my own selfish good, to stay away from Ermelo for a bit. And just continue living my life. Not doing stupid things, and try to be happy. You only live once, make the most of it! NOW!! Not tomorrow, do it now! And so I will. Nothing can stop me, I found a reason. Now, more than ever. I promised to give my life to someone special, and I'll keep my promise. So.. not going to Ermelo then. Just be happy!

Monday 16 July 2007 'A Kind of Magic'
Working late shift. My last 2 hours were spent with my friend P. who's probably my best friend in the whole company. He let me go outside, because it is so hot, and is easy going when he has to work with me. Still, I feel a bit sad to be near him. It's a bit complicated, so I can't explain it in just a blog, but we have spent time together, been in each other's houses. He also knew Timothy, and he was the first in the company I told about Tim's death. I think my boss still doesn't know anything.
I am known as 'the happy girl who always smiles'. I am not always happy, but I am always happy when I'm working (yes, might sound strange but it's very true :o) ). I noticed at work it's the 16th. So yesterday was exactly one month ago since he died. I wonder where time has gone.. It made me think about him, and I felt sad. Tears still come every day, and they will do for a long time. I tried to be happy, but at the end of the day, it was very difficult. But there was my friend, telling me to go outside for a while, and when I came back in, bringing a drink along for him, he made me laugh. He always does. Just a look makes me smile. And then.. the moment that made my day: 'A Kind of Magic' by Queen got played on the radio. He gave me one look and a sign, and there hasn't been a bigger smile on my face for about half a year! He turned it on very loud and I was so happy. Later on I made a mistake, one of the iron plates fell on the ground. I usually have them flying against my knees, so was pleased it just hit the ground, but he laughed his socks off :o) God, I just love him so much! Got a very beautiful message from a great artist here on sellaband; my day has been saved! (on my way home I saw a range rover, and got tears in my eyes again. Bought Belgian beers for me and Jamie yesterday, for me my brother's favourite, and today Jamie bought lots of beer for me (I hardly drink it), all Timothy's favourite brand. He doesn't know that, but it made me even sadder.) But afterwards I got that message, and it made me happy! :o)

To someone special

For my Little Girl / My Happy Ending

Whenever you believe
that the World's tumbling down
That the Stars will fall
right down from Heaven
Please know that I'll be there

Whenever you think
that the World's too much
and you don't see
even the smallest spark of Light
Please know I'll be there

Whenever you fall off your feet
I'll catch you - won't let you fall
I'll make sure you're alright
You'll make it - you'll survive!

I'll make sure of that!
for you are my Little Girl
You are that one special person
you run into. Once, in a life..

I wish I could protect you
from all the bad things in life
I'll do my best.
I'll even watch over you
when you sleep
Pay attention to every little detail -
every move, every dream
if that could save you..

I'll try my best
for you are my Little Girl.
You are that special person
That special friend
That Special One.

You are so fragile
and so pure
Delicate like glass and crystal
And yet so strong
So very strong... and powerful!
I wish I could solve your problems
help you reallise your dreams
You know that's all I ever wanted..
For you to be happy.
I'm sure there's a Happy Ending
I'll find it for you, help you search
I'll cross the universe
just for you
to live Happily ever After
And also for me
Because seeing you living your life happily
just..
makes me happy
Very happy..
That would be..
My Happy Ending

[Melanie ~ 13 July 2007]