For me, SAB has been a see-saw merry-go-round for two years now.  I can’t quite escape it.  I can fully understand why artists are getting frustrated with this site and pulling out.  It requires so much time, effort, stamina and sheer insanity.  Who would sit staring at a computer screen for a couple of years asking people for money?  Obviously me and thousands of others.  It came to the point where I had to ask myself the big question – “IS THIS REALLY WORTH IT?”

Well, I’m still here.  I’ve a debt to people like Alex from Austria, Alexx from Nearfield, Miss Y, Pacarina, Talentscout (nice tights!), Noldi, Berry, Paul Mcmaster, Logical One, Lucretia, Age, Onno Hoogendorn and Simeon and people who pop by my site to offer encouragement and goodwill.  It’s worth gold to me.  I’m not pulling out of SAB for anything.  I’d like to become one of those ‘stalwart’ types, the ones that are wrinkly and grey and stand at the back of the gigs with their arms folded, nodding graciously to the beat.  I wanna be an SAB veteran.

I joined SAB in September 2006, one month after my wife and I bought our first house.  Buying a home is a ridiculously expensive venture, even for people who are not musicians.
In the first year from Sept 2006 until around August 2007 I spent hundreds of hours working this site.   I asked myself right from the start – “what will make people really dig my music?”  “How can I get people to invest their hard earned cash in my ability to make a CD?”

I had high hopes from SAB.  Can it revolutionize the plight of the ‘Home Based Recording Musician’? (Such as myself)  It took me a while to realize that Sellaband is not just about making music.  SAB is  about fund raising.  It's about selling an image.  Hell, Miles Davis would probably be hovering around the bottom of the ranks with Frank Zappa.  Frank has no chance of reaching the top 1000. He’s FAR TOO UGLY!

My image?  Well, I'm a hard working creative guy with a family, a mortgage and a pretty regular job.  I ride my mountain bike around the hills here, I dig dirt in my backyard, I make music, build stuff using wood and nails and live my life.  I don't have time to hang around for my 'dream' to happen. 

LESSON NUMBER ONE: Ain't nobody gonna make it happen but me.

I didn't have the stamina to work this site and provide emotional, financial and physical support for my family.  Sellaband is always in the back of my mind.  Sometimes I think “I should do a few posts.... if I don’t, I’ll never make it” It got to the point where I started asking myself “Make what?”  It seems that I was falling prey to this weird timeline that put limits on the amount of time I had in my life to achieve my ‘dreams’.  Besides, I figured I better start living my dreams now, right here.  So here I am writing a post to the SAB community asking for some support in the plight of the reason this site was developed – for people who make good music.

My music is not considered to be ‘Mainstream’ (However, this website is apparently a step outside the mainstream!), so I needed to work hard to reach all the people interested in stuff they may not have heard before.  The time involved was ridiculous.  At work, my supervisor took away my internet access twice (once as a warning which didn’t work – as soon as I had access again I became even more obsessed by angling the computer screen away from the door to give me enough time to close my browser if he poked his head around the corner of my office.  Actually, it got so ridiculous, he would charge into my room and run up to the computer to try and catch me out while I casually closed the browser window and with my poker face raised one eyebrow at him as if to say “Are you mad?”) 

I have been reading some forum posts recently and some believers have been talking about my ‘struggle’, my ‘decline’ and that ‘everything I worked for is slowly falling apart’.  These were messages of condolence by loyal believer supporters.  My wife had invested $3000 in SAB, not only in myself, but in other artists as well.  A few months ago we had to withdraw the money because we really hit the wall financially (mainly due to a few months where we were both in between jobs). Sonia withdrew the money (3K) from the SAB escrow account to cope with home loan interest rate rises in Australia.  Since getting a mortgage in August 2006 (one month before I joined SAB) our repayments have increased by an additional $200 a month which equates to nearly $2.5K a year.  This is still on the increase.  We racked up a ridiculous debt on our credit card, pulled the SAB investments (which covered not even half this debt), and I have been busting my balls to get ahead ever since. 

LESSON NUMBER TWO: Stop living my life in my head.  Reality Bites.

I perform occasionally because I like getting on stage.  I miss my old band because we had a good time.  I make music because I feel the urge.  I dig Jazz, mostly underground music and loads of musicians who wouldn't even get a look-in on this site.  I don’t wear make-up or ruffle up my hair.  When I was involved in the music ‘scene’ I needed to be prepared to adorn myself with a little ‘brown’ lipstick.  I’m not into this at all.  It tasted terrible and I might have caught something nasty.

I go to concerts and have friends over to hang out in the studio, program beats and keep my wife awake.  My one year old Mali wanders in and out banging on a tambourine and blowing the blues harp.  This is not the music industry but it’s kinda cool.  And it makes me pretty happy to know that at least in this house music is real.  It’s something that happens spontaneously and it’s a part of everyday life. 

What it all boils down to is this: People who go around asking for money will get money.  People who spend their time making music will make music.  It just depends on what is high priority for the individual.

And now I’d like to release my clanger.  By clanger I mean that BIG sound that HURTS YOUR EARS and makes your head throb, eyes roll around and stomach turn upside down.  Yes, this may not be easy to read for some people – or maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and feigning arrogance, assuming that people actually care what I say.

Nonetheless, I really want to say this: There seems to be a lot of bluff going on here on SAB.

Surely not every rocker falls asleep in his ashtray and wakes up only to swig Jack Daniels and munch on some cigarette butts?  Glamour images are sure to open wallets.  Personally, I'm not selling myself, sex or a "Rock God" picture with a cucumber down my trousers, I make music for people to listen to.  I'm not here to change the world or shake the foundations of the music industry either.  It takes time and patience to produce my own music and I ask that believers bear with me on this one as we walk the road less trodden.

Besides, I don't look good in tight leather, zippers give me a rash and I want to have more kids.  You'll find me wearing loose jeans, a warm hoodie (in the winter months) and sneakers. 

Reality is far more reassuring than 'the dream'.  I just hope the people with money on this site can find it in their hearts to back 'normal' dudes like me.

PS: I cringe when I hear the term 'suffering for my art'.  Argh.