Nobody likes the idea of going through a divorce, but sometimes divorce is necessary to improve long-term outcomes for one or both partners. Divorce can be messy and chaotic, especially if you have significant assets or children to worry about.
So what can you do to make your divorce as healthy and streamlined as possible?
Start Planning Early
If possible, start planning for your divorce early. If the relationship isn’t doing so well, or if you suspect infidelity or other intolerable actions, you should start doing your homework. Start collecting evidence and keeping logs of your communications, and take inventory of your marital and individual assets. The sooner you start gathering this information, the easier it’s going to be for you later on.
Hire the Right Lawyer
Next, hire the right divorce lawyer, or at least start talking to a divorce lawyer. Even if you choose not to move forward with the divorce, or if you choose not to hire an attorney, this will be an excellent opportunity to learn more information about the divorce process, as well as what you want from the separation. Your divorce lawyer will be able to provide you with expert advice on how to handle this situation and how to maximize your chances of walking away from the divorce as much as possible. Good lawyers will also provide you with ongoing support, giving you a feeling of confidence and a sense of control over the situation.
Attempt Mediation
Divorces can get messy and nasty fast, but there are some ways to resolve your differences that are more hospitable and easier to manage. For example, if you and your partner are amicable and willing to work with each other, you may be able to attempt mediation. In mediation, you’ll avoid some of the fightings in court and instead opt to make major decisions together with the help of a neutral third party.
Prioritize Your Children
If you have kids, make them your top priority. Divorce is going to be hard on your kids no matter what, and it’s not their fault – so you owe it to them to keep them at the center of all your discussions and forthcoming actions.
You can start by having an open and straightforward conversation with your children. Preferably, you’ll do this with both parties present. Try to remain calm and collected during this conversation, and answer any questions your children might have.
Then, when making decisions or engaging in a legal battle with your ex-spouse, make sure to put your children’s wants and needs ahead of your own. What situation is going to give them the best chance of living a healthy, happy life?
Be Willing to Compromise
As much as possible, be willing to compromise. Divorces are much smoother and easier to manage if both parties are willing to respect each other and cooperate. This may be difficult, especially if the inability to compromise is a root cause of your divorce, but it’s worth trying.
Remain Respectful and Polite
Divorce has a tendency to bring out the worst in people, especially when one partner is already upset. But you’re going to have a much easier time navigating this process if you remain respectful and polite at all times. Take deep breaths and avoid resorting to shouting or insults.
Separate Physically and Remain Separated
Most couples benefit from separating physically as soon as the relationship is over. It may be convenient to live together, especially if you are caring for children together or if you share similar routines, but living together throughout a divorce can make everything much harder and more complicated. It’s better for one party to stay somewhere else, such as at a relative’s house or at a hotel.
Lean on Friends and Family Members
During divorce proceedings, you’re going to need extra emotional support. Be sure to lean on your friends and family members, who will likely be more than happy to help you. Talk to them about your feelings and ask them for help when you need it.
Talk to a Therapist
Therapy has many benefits, and it’s an indispensable tool for better coping with your thoughts and feelings throughout an otherwise messy and complicated divorce. Sometimes, talking with family and friends isn’t enough to help you resolve some of these feelings. This might be an expensive option, especially if your insurance doesn’t cover therapy sessions, but there are also therapy alternatives worth considering that are much less expensive.
No matter what, your divorce is probably going to be chaotic, painful, and stressful. But you do have some control over the situation. The more you understand about divorce, the more you’re willing to compromise, and the more you lean on the people around you, the better your outcomes are going to be.